Ponderings of a Late Night

Laying here in bed, trying to go to sleep, I begin to think.

I wonder about my friends, and what they're doing at the moment. I wonder how they are, and if they might be asleep already. Sometimes, I worry about them, for they do need to be worried over every now and then...

Ha. I really do mother them too much. It's not my job to worry over them. Perhaps they'd resent me for it if they knew... I make a mental note to change this, but I know that tomorrow I'll have forgotten about my promise.

Ah... I mother them. Isn't that funny? How I'd love to be a mother... It's what I want, more than anything. To be a mother. And to be a wife.

To have someone... someone so very precious, that's part of me. Someone who'd depend on me... need me. A reason to be everything that they'd deserve. Yea, a child of my own. A baby... No. My baby.

But in order to have this baby, I'd need a man. Two parts to make a whole... Two parts to complete the picture. Where would that other part come from? Who would I fall in love with? Who would be the one that I would cherish forever, throughout the rest of my life? Who would it be?

My mind begins to wander. I think of the perfect man. The one that I would want to take care of me, protect me. A man with a good heart and kind eyes. Someone I could trust, and someone who would trust me. But imagination isn't reality.

Taking every boy I know into consideration, I try to match them with my idealism. Which one would make a good daddy? I contemplate over who would make beautiful children, and take care of them. Who would be their protector? Their stronghold... Who, out of all of these men, would I trust? Who could I trust to love my children? Who could I trust to love me...? Yes, to take care of me... and to never let me go.

Who would I trust my body to? Who would I allow to take me, and my innocence, and to make me forever theirs...?

After all of this thought, it boils down to one person. One, singular, man.

A masculine figure, strong and solid. Prominent facial features highlighted by a crown of messy, dark brown hair. Deep coffee eyes, reflecting light just as a pool of water. A clear vision of his being clouds my mind. When I dream tonight, I know he'll be there. In a mist of heated fantasies, I descend into the numb transition of sleep.

Dreams. Filled with him. In all of his entirety. Yes... all of him.

When I wake, in a haze of bliss, I realize that that's all it was. Just a dream. I know that it wasn't real. That it'll never be real... No man would ever think of me like that... Especially a man like him...

Still, in the light of the morning, the sun gives me a little hope. I stretch and ponder, "Perhaps he'll love me today". For there's always that possibility, right?